Grief Support

The hardest part often begins after the service, when the casseroles stop arriving and everyone else goes back to their lives.

We are not counselors and we will not pretend to be. What we can do is point you toward people in and around Grant County who are, and tell you plainly that most of what you are feeling is ordinary.

If you are in crisis, call or text 988 — the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, answered 24 hours a day.

Grief is not a set of stages you pass through in order and then finish with. It loops. It arrives sideways in a grocery aisle. It goes quiet for a month and then knocks you down.

Things families tell us afterward that they wish somebody had warned them about:

• The first few weeks can feel strangely numb, and the fourth month harder than the first
• Anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays land heavily, and the anticipation is often worse than the day
• Grief is physical. Sleep, appetite, memory, and concentration all take a hit
• Anger and relief are both normal, and neither means you loved the person any less
• Two people in the same house grieve at completely different speeds, and that difference causes its own strain

If it is not easing at all after several months, or you cannot manage day to day, tell a doctor. That is not weakness. It is information.

Some places to start:

• 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline — call or text 988, any hour
• Hospice bereavement services. If your loved one was on hospice, the bereavement program is available to your family for up to a year afterward at no cost, whether or not you used it during the illness. Hospice providers serving Grant County include Ambercare and Horizon Hospice
• GriefShare — a faith-based grief recovery group hosted by churches nationwide. Search your ZIP code at griefshare.org for current groups in and around Silver City
• Your parish, church, or congregation. Many here offer bereavement ministry, and a call to the office is usually enough to start
• TAPS, the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors — 1-800-959-8277, for families who have lost a service member
• The Compassionate Friends — compassionatefriends.org, for parents, grandparents, and siblings after the death of a child
• Your primary care provider, who can refer you to a counselor who works with grief specifically

If you are not sure which of these fits, ask us. We will help you find the right number.

If you are the friend, the neighbor, the coworker: show up, and keep showing up. Nearly all support arrives in the first two weeks and then disappears at exactly the point it is needed most.

• Say the person’s name. People are afraid of reminding someone, but the bereaved have not forgotten, and hearing the name is usually a relief
• Do not say “let me know if you need anything.” Bring a specific thing on a specific day
• Put the anniversary and the birthday in your calendar now, and send something on those days next year
• Do not try to fix it, explain it, or find the silver lining in it
• Sitting quietly with someone counts, and it counts more than words do

With children, plain language works better than gentle euphemism. “Died” is clearer than “lost” or “passed on,” and children usually handle a straight answer better than the adults around them expect.